What Exactly is Conscious Uncoupling?

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Divorce is never an easy decision for either party, bordering the traumatic. While the divorce rate has fallen below the 50% marker, the numbers remain high enough to continue calling attention to the issue. 

However, a reevaluation of divorce shows that focusing on the divorce rate itself does little to fix the issue. Divorce, as it turns out, isn’t the problem. Instead, it’s a phenomenon known as conscious uncoupling. 

Reviewing the Data

There’s a lot that goes into divorce rates, starting with increasing life expectancies. Some research suggests that jumping from an average lifespan of 33 years to 70 or 80 has left humankind with longer marriages. The issue could be that our biological and psychological makeup isn’t designed to for monogamous relationships lasting four to six decades. 

Other research shows that marriages begin to fall apart after the honeymoon phase. As reality sets in, negative projection begins when relationships aren’t built on a strong enough foundation. Idealizing partners instead of truly getting to know them before making a grand commitment is the largest factor. 

Further studies consider the unpredictability of human emotion and the incapability of some to truly expose who they are. The evidence isn’t conclusive enough to tell exactly why couples end up needing a divorce mediation lawyer, but the idea of conscious coupling helps shed light on the current data as well as forge a path forward. 

Understanding Conscious Uncoupling

Conscious uncoupling isn’t a new idea. It was developed as uncoupling theory in 1976 by a sociologist names Diane Vaughan, then later built upon as conscious coupling in 2009 by Katherine Woodward Thomas. She teaches this concept as an alternative to divorce, with the idea that self-reflection allows individuals to maintain mutual respect and meet each other’s emotional needs. 

Conscious uncoupling is looking inside oneself after every irritation and argument, identifying a negative internal force in need of healing. Often, this leads to dealing with emotional injuries in the past in a conscious or relative light in relation to the current situation. 

This theory also posits that the two individuals in a relationship are continually growing, playing the roles of teacher and student respectively. With that understanding, couples focus on themselves as partners in this process and creating a more loving co-partnership. 

Before you begin to check divorce attorney reviews, this is an excellent exercise to practice with one another. Marriage counselors and therapists can also help in this regard. However, not all relationships are salvageable. 

In these cases, conscious coupling helps partners understand uncoupling. When applying this same consciousness to a separation, families are spared from being broken by a divorce and children are able to thrive. 

Is Divorce the Issue?

With conscious coupling and uncoupling at play, divorce ceases to be an issue. Ex-partners maintain healthy relationships as they focus on raising their children in a better light. That might not help the rate divorce takes place in America, but it does turn this negative circumstance into a positive venture for all parties involved. 

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